Mother's Day....Sadness

With Mother's Day coming up I found this song on another blog and thought that it was a quite appropriate song for the way that I feel with everything going on in my life.  I seems like the one thing that I really want is just out of reach.  Everyone around me seems to have a child or is expecting a child and here we are still waiting.  I know that there are a lot of people out there who have been trying a lot longer than we have, but it is all so flustering.  I hate the fact that people who are not ready, cannot afford, or do not want children can have them while here I am wanting a child so bad that I cannot stand it with empty arms.  I hope and pray that soon everyone that I know who is suffering through infertility will get their bundles of joy.

ER (Egg Removal)

 

My awesome fluffy socks for the ER (they kept my feet all warm and toasty)

Yesterday DH and I headed up for our ER.  We had to be to the office by 7:00 so that meant a really early morning for me (Len worked the night shift so he had been up since the day before).  I got up at 4:15 and go my shower and was ready when DH got home and off we went.  I was so excited and nervous all at the same time.  I could not believe how quickly everything happened.  Well, we get to the office and they call me back.  I get into my gown and get in bed.  They nurses start to ask me questions, when was your last meal, are you allergic to any medication, etc.  The anesthesiologist finally arrives and they start looking at the veins in my hands.  All he keeps saying is wow, you really cannot see any veins.  They kept trying to warm up my hands with their hands and warm compresses.  Finally Brian (the anesthesiologist) started to try and put the IV in.  He numbed my hand and then tries he could not find anything.  They tried at least three times in each hand, twice on my right inner elbow, once on the right inner wrist.  After all of this Brian was willing to let Lenny try to get the IV in.  He came back and was about ready to try when one of the nurses came in and would not allow him to try since he was not employed by Ruby.  Right about that time Brian got the IV in my left inner elbow.  I have never been stuck so many times.  It took at least 10 times before they finally succeeded.  I really hope that I go not get sick anytime soon and need an IV.  After the IV was inserted they moved me into procedure room and got me all set-up and started sedating me.  The procedure took about half the time that it took to get the IV inserted.  Brian told me when I woke-up that the first thing out of my mouth was how many eggs did you get?  This does not surprise me at all, but I have no memory of this.  They got 6 eggs.  We were doing ICSI.  They came in and explained the procedure.  They had to use some type of enzyme to eat away out the egg lining.  Once that was completed they would be able to see the number of mature eggs and then would place one of the best sperm into each mature egg.

They just called this morning and confirmed that all 6 eggs were mature and all fertilized.  I am ecstatic!!!!  They will call back tomorrow morning with an update on growth and to hopefully set up a time for the transfer.  I am hoping that all will continue to grow and that we will have a couple awesome ones to transfer and a few more to freeze.

Final Check-up

My socks from today's appointment.  I have loved being able to wear fun socks to my appointments

I had my final follie check-up.  It looks like we will be doing the IVF.  I am trying to be hopeful.  I have 4 follies on the right- 13.3, 8, 18.6, and 14 and 3 on the left- 20.6, 18.6, and 19.3.  I am hoping that the 14 and/or the 13.3 will make it to maturity by Saturday morning at 7am.  I would love to have at least 6 mature eggs to try and get to transfer.  My lining is great at 9.2.  Tonight I will be triggering at 9:30.  Let the massive prayers begin.

So Confused

 My socks from today's appointment!!!

I had another follie check today.  It looks like there might be 4 mature eggs.  I have 3 at 17 and 1 at 15.6 and then a couple smaller ones.  I am just not sure if I should continue with this IVF or look into switching to an IUI.  We are all OOP so this is costing us an arm and leg.  I am just so torn.  I know with my blood work results that we probably never will get a better response. I just wanted this to work so bad.  I am not sure what will happen if this is a bust.  We are putting so much time, money, and energy into this I just do not know how I will recover if it is not successful.

Second Follie Appointment

 

Awesome socks for this appointment!!

This morning I had my second follie check-up.  It went a little better than the first, but still not as great as I had hoped.  The IVF has still not been cancelled, but is not completely on either.  I had 10.3, 15.3, 5, and 9.3 on my right and 18.3, 15, 12.6 on my right.  My lining was 8.1.  I am continuing at the same medicine amounts today and tomorrow and then it is back for another check on Wednesday morning.  I am hoping that at least the six larger ones will be mature and they will be able to retrieve/fertilize them.  It is just something that at 28 I should not have to be dealing with all of this.  I am hoping that they call this afternoon with the results from my blood work.  Hopefully that will at least be good.

Easter

I had an awesome Easter yesterday.  We went to Sunrise Service and then had breakfast at church.  We came back home and get ready for church.  After church my mom came over and we make Easter Lunch for my family.  It was so much fun having my family over.  I loved being able to see my Grandmother.  We had 9 people over for lunch.  I wish that the other people that we had invited had been able to make it, but they had other family engagements.  I wish that I had taken pictures, because it was such a great time. 

This morning I have my second monitoring appointment.  I am hoping for better results than we saw at the last appointment.  I just really want this to work out.  It is so hard to keep going to my appointments trying to be positive going to these appointments when all I get is bad news.  I just really need something positive to happen soon.

My awesome socks for todays appointment....

They are Easter Chicks!!!!

My World seems to be Caving in....

Yesterday morning I had my first follie check...but when I woke up at 4:30 to get ready to head to my appointment I noticed some missed calls and text messages.  I started looking into why I had so many messages.  I called my mom to see if she had heard anything...she had not.  I decided before leaving for Morgantown to check facebook.  From this I discovered that one of my 4-H Interstate Exchange participants from the last two year was killed in a car accident.  I was devastated.

I had my RE appointment….I only have 5 follicles that the RE measured.  He did not mention any others.  They upped my dosage to 150 follistim and 75 menopur twice a day.  This will cause me to use up all the menopur by Sunday which is when I will be switching to luveris 75 plus follistim 225.  This will get me to Wednesday morning.  My next RE appointment is Monday morning at 9:45 (I hate the fact that I have to wait that long to see if anything else is happening possibly wasting drugs, if my cycle is cancelled.)  I am so upset that my cycle might be cancelled.  It is just so much money, time, and energy going to waste.

Last evening the 4-H Interstate Exchange group served the HREA Annual Meeting dinner.  I love catering and spending time with my 4-H’ers especially since we were all suffering from the loss of Alison.